Blecchs-Men 3

We all went and saw X-3 last night and tragically, my girlfriend was the only person who actually enjoyed the flick. I spent most of the movie holding my head in my hands as Brett Ratner personally took a shit on the franchise, just as I thought he would. I won’t get into anything spoilerrific here, but I’ll break down some thoughts on the flick in general fashion. Here’s what I thought sucked:

  • The drama. Only someone as untalented as Brett Ratner can make me not give a shit when such dramatic and possibly tear-jerking events happen. There are at least four huge moments in the script that are supposed to shock and create an emotional response in the audience… I just sat through them wondering if they were a joke. In fact, during one scene at Jean Grey’s home (if you’ve seen it, you know the scene I’m referring to) something very important happens, and I literally thought that it was going to wind up being some sort of dream sequence, or trick to fool the audience. Not because I didn’t want it to happen, but because it was done so poorly. There seemed to be no setup, no reasoning behind it, and no purpose for it in the movie whatsoever. Dramatic devices with no payoff make for a bad film.
  • The characters. It seems like Ratner spent about five minutes on each new character, and that was it. Rogue was in the movie for what, three scenes? And what happens with her at the end of the movie was tacked on, like they realized at the last minute “oh shit, right, we forgot about her.”

    And how about Angel? They feature him prominently in the trailers, but he’s in three fucking scenes as an adult that I can remember. He may as well have not been in the movie whatsoever. They didn’t even resolve his conflict with his father, not that the story had been established enough to make me care in the first place.

    Then you’ve got Leech. A profoundly tragic figure, being utilized to knock out the powers of his fellow mutants all the while being forced to sit and stare as these amazing things happen outside his window. But do we ever get an ounce of character development beyond him putting his hand on the glass and looking sad? No. Why bother, we’ve got 8 other new characters to not develop properly. Let’s move along.

  • Jean/Phoenix. If you’re going to make the movie about Jean Grey, and her completely rewritten backstory… how about putting her in the fucking film!?!? If they were going to paint the picture of a tragic backstory of a character, it should have been Wolverine or Storm considering they were the only mutants besides Magneto that had any kind of decent screen time.
  • The stunt work. I’m nitpicking now, but all of the wirework looked ridiculous. Every time Storm flew and did her spinny bullshit, or Beast leapt through the air, I laughed.

It seems like Ratner was more interested in giving fanboys a bunch of wet-dreamlike moments (fastball special, stars-and-garters, Iceman’s…iceness) rather than spending time on the actual plot. Not to mention the fact that he was developing about 8 different plots, and didn’t give proper time to a single one of them. You’ve got Jean’s story, Warren’s decision to stay a mutant, Rogue’s difficulties with Iceman, The team’s inability to work together effectively (this lasted a minute, and was brought back at the very end), Leech and his sad existence, Storm being groomed as the new leader, the future of the school, Cyclops and his struggles… it’s just too fucking much. All of these seemingly major plot devices are pared down to about ten minutes apiece and served up like a dinner comprised entirely of appetizers.

I’m sure a lot of you liked the mindless fun and action, and more power to you. I’m glad somebody liked it. But the fact of the matter is, this film did a lot of bad things for the franchise, and I frankly hope that they end it with this film.

I wonder what Bryan Singer has to say about this shitheap?I could go on, but many of the major issues I had with the flick would give away some pretty hefty spoilers, so we’ll just cut it off here.

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By Sharkey

I run bamf.

20 comments

  1. I saw it this morning…..I agree that it suffered from to much fuckin shit going on at the same time and not enough fuckin time to let the shit develop properly. I can go geek on the movie on the whole Dark Phoenix saga (or lack there of) and how they butchered it to pieces. Like the fact they had no fuckin space pirates to speak is reason enough. No appearance of Apocalypse, Omega Red (read the credits on IMDB and is in the movie but shit must have missed the blonde albino dude with mechanical tentacles) The blame shouldnt go to Brett the Rat alone it should go to the fuckin screenwriters, the studio for going ahead with the film without Brian. There was scenes that where awesome like the opening of the movie which super freaked me out and was close to yelling \”Hey thats not Xavier thats fuckin Jean Luc Picard bitches\” Kelsey was the perfect actor to play Beast. But unlike the first 2 this one was more action less layered character moments which we where so used to. But I fuckin hated the fact they killed of so many people or neutered their mutant asses, that shizz was just overkill. But still if i let most of that shit slide the movie is nowhere Uwe Boll bad which Im glad cause from the looks of it its not over and can be salvaged.

  2. Well…At least Juggs said, \”I’m the Juggernaut BITCH\” HAHA however introducing Nightcrawler in the last movie and then totally leaving him out of this one is kinda lame. Actually now that I think of it all they need if this douche continues to direct the rest of the films is Magneto, Wolverine, and Storm (only so that black people will attend since its Halle Berry)

  3. Stupid\”I’m the Juggernaut, Bitch!\”I saw the video the other day, and still tonight I’m amazed and pissed off that this crap was in the movie. Since when did the internet community determine what lines where to be in a movie. Argh!!!That and this movie should have been made out into several better ones. Oh the humanity!

  4. Puke-menBasically Ratner rewrote most of the backstories of many of the characters in this raggedy ass pile of dung. Standing in line at 11:30 at night was almost a complet ewaste of our time and money. WE were expecting this to be as good as the previous incarnations of this great franchise, but thanks to Ratner we were almost ready to vomit from the lame ass shit that he decided was the way to show this drivel. The comment of this should have been a series of stories instaead of a single festival of muddled together poor ass writing as it became. There are too many things wrong with this film to even be able to put it all into words, but hopefully they will realize the mistake with Ratner and maybe get someone decent to get inthere to help with the next one as they definately left a lot open for another installment. P.S. Sharley, Release the simian horde on Ratner PLEASE!!!!!

  5. mandatory subject lines are gaySounds like they’ve gone from the slow, plodding, nothing-happening-here of X-Men 1 to the well balanced X-Men 2 and now they’ve gone completely the other way and basically turned it into an action film./p.s. I haven’t seen it yet, but i’ll ‘acquire’ it.

  6. hmmWatched it tonight, it was ‘alright’ at best. The problem is that anyone who ever read an X-Men comic or watched the cartoons will see all the flaws of the movie. Someone who only watched the first two movies will enjoy it for what it is, an action flick that goes a little light on plot and meaningful dialogue.Personally I think the mistake they made with these films is to keep casting Halle Berry as Storm, her demands for more money robbed the budget of alot of much needed effects and her demand for more screen time meant less time for more important characters like Jean Gray and Professor X. An ensemble cast like that isn’t going to be cheap to put together, that constrains the budget which means a shorter film time, less plot and dialogue and special effects that were less than expected.For example ;Iceman : You see him turn into ice once during the whole film for 3 seconds, we all know that Iceman turned on the Ice anytime there was a sniff of combat.Rogue : One of the most powerful mutants alive and she is reduced to a bit part because Halle Berry wants more screen time.Jean Grey/Pheonix : Practically no special effects for the Pheonix as the budget just wouldn’t run to what would be required to do the Pheonix justice. So instead they botch the story and instead make out that Jean Gray has a split personality where the Pheonix is the uncontrollable side rather than stick to the story we all know.I can go on and on, ok they don’t have to stick to the original X-Men granted but it seems like all the compromises were made for budget reasons.

  7. xmenI haven’t seen 3 yet, and I don’t hate Ratner – though I do believe you don’t screw with what works.That said though, it appears that they drew more from XMen Unlimited than the originals. The Juggernaut in this looks like he does in Ultimates (there he’s also part of Weapon X). In Ultimates, the Phoenix is an otherworldy godlike being that taps into Jean’s mind, and is brought to the forefront because of the Hellfire Club (which in Ultimates is Xaviers secret benefactors and how he affords such a pad). Hellfire worships Phoenix, so they use Jean in a ritual. They know of her because in Ultimates she was in a psych ward from hearing voices. So this Phoenix is really the Ultimate Xmen.From what you’ve said above, it appears they’re using that version of Jean Grey. The stronger emphasis in this script about a ‘race war’ between mutants and humans is also part of itNightcrawler isn’t in it ONLY because the actor hated the makeup and refused to do it again. He was supposed to be in 3 but he flat out refused, and in interviews has gone off on how much he hated it. Shame too, ’cause he did it perfect.So hate Ratner, but remember a big chunk ain’t his fault. With Ultimate line burning up sales, and the Ultimate animated DVD’s coming out now, Marvel probably forced the writers to use more of that since ‘thats what newer fans would recognize’.You can get the ultimate hardcover collections pretty cheap (30 bucks for 12 issues). I suggest snagging a few; you’ll see thats where they went iwth the Spiderman movies too.

  8. lurkinYou don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. You haven’t even seen the movie, and you wrote a half page synopsis on it.

  9. X CrapSharkey, your Arizona connection knows exactly what your saying. when your ready to fix your cars hood text me.

  10. Good lord…There were innumerable problems with the movie. That being said, 3 things bothered me the most –1. Storm had way too much screen time.2. WTF? regarding the s/he Arclight.3. Porcupine guy.

  11. umeu no jokeRead what I wrote again. I said I didn’t see it. I was just pointing out some gripes I’ve heard aren’t ratners fault. Jugg and Phoenix are the Ultimate versions, and the Nightcrawler actor refused to do the part again.Gonna be a jackass, maybe you should know what you’re talking about yourself.

  12. lurkinfagYou still don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. How can you know your points are valid, when you haven’t even seen the fucking movie. Also, Alan Cummings (Nightcrawler) wanted to be in the movie, but his option wasn’t picked up.Also, fuck you and kindly shut the fuck up.

  13. X3Actually, I have written a letter to Brett Ratner that I feel I should share:Dear Mr. Ratner,Thank you for raping my childhood.And fuck you.Sincerely,You Clearly Don’t Care.It is true that not all of the disappointing parts of X3 can be blamed on Ratner. However, as director, he is responsible for the movie. He did several character \”adjustments\” that hurt the storyline, and, in doing so, frustrate fans.You don’t have to see a movie in order to know production info and history about it. This is what \”research\” is for. For instance, I knew that X3 was going to be a disappointment because Ratner was involved, and I didn’t have to see it to know this (although I did see it).Superman had better be orgasmic. That is the only way that I will feel better about Singer leaving the X-men franchise.

  14. Whole heartedly agreeIt’s like you mind raped me, I agree with everything you say. What I don’t understand is why they have to deviate so much from the comics, these writers and directors already have the proven material, there would be no X-men without the comics and it seems like they could careless. One point I’ll reiterate is that it seemed like all they wanted to do is cram in as many mutants as humanly possible just so the audience could be like \”hey it’s whats his name?\”. It was extremely disappointing.

  15. WHat?You just said Ultimates Jean Grey was possesed by some god like being, when in the movie she has dual personalities how exactly is that the same thing. Juggernaut looked retarded if he was from Ultimates are not. Anyone wonder why beast looked so cool but they totally botched Sabretooth in the previous movie? On and its sashimi blowfish boy not porcupine man. And where the fuck is Gambit?

  16. GambitGambit was left out for a number of reasons, first being they couldn’t dedicate screen time to yet another secondary character. Then there were the rumours that they couldn’t get the guy they wanted (Sawyer from Lost) to sign on and the alternatives didn’t really inspire. Lastly the budget was so tight because of the fees paid to Berry/Stewart/Jackman/McClellan that adding any more people would have stole even more from the already wafer thin effects budget.

  17. gambitThat, and Gambit’s character is very similar to Wolverine’s in terms of attitude and disposition. No need for his character.Although, if they included him, it would have been yet another way for Ratner to fuck my childhood.

  18. A show of hands Just wondering, how many people saw the extra bit after the credits were finished?

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