Month: July 2004

Gentlemen, set your wangs to “splode.”

The toymaker Hasbro’s “Transformers” line will be hitting the silver screen.

Dreamworks, the film company co-founded by Steven Spielberg, will oversee the Transformers movie, scheduled for release in summer 2006. They’re calling it a “thrilling action adventure.”

Pawtucket-based Hasbro created Transformers in 1984. The product has expanded into a comic book series, a television program on the Cartoon Network and an animated feature film.

Hasbro will act as consultants to the film. Dreamworks will distribute the movie domestically, while Paramount will market it overseas.

Joblo.com is reporting that this little bomb was dropped sometime during the Comic-Con this week. However, a quick search of the net turns up some older stories, which are now updated with the news that Spielberg is attached to produce. Whatever, I just hope it doesn’t fucking suck. And it would be nice if they found Lion and had them do the Transformers theme again, maybe some Stan Bush licks on the soundtrack.

And maybe not so much of this. (NSFW… I guess.)

I love the Final Fantasy, it makes me happy. Well, except for when it sucks, like 8. Or bores me, like 9 (or did I switch those two?). Or is online… well fuck, alright. I guess most of the time, I love Final Fantasy. That’s why I’ve got mixed bits of happiness and dread regarding Square’s plan to do a Final Fantasy VII spinoff (not Advent Children, mind you) that supposedly stars Vincent. Who when I played the game, accidentally got an extra “e” at the end of his name when I did the confirmation screen, so I call him Vincente. There goes Vincente, Latin gunslinging vampire extraordinaire.

Also, I’m pleased to hear about the new RPG Company “Mist Walker”, spearheaded by Final Fantasy godfather Hironobu Sakaguchi. He’s teaming up with old school FF artist Yoshitaka Amano, so hopefully they will bring some of the old school elements that I miss back into the mix.

Now that I have successfully endured my nerd fix for the day, I will wash the stench of desperation off my body and re-emerge to post a slice of the day. This could take awhile, so don’t hold your breath.

So I was driving down the street just a few minutes ago, windows rolled down because its so fucking hot out right now. I cruise up inbetween a little white car and some overly rank sanitation truck.

I look to the right, and the white car is filled with hotties. The driver sees me, I give a slight nod of acknowledgement. The girls in the back look over and smile. It’s a good California day, you know? Then the light turns green, I start to drive up to my turn, and I check over to the right. The driver and the side passenger are looking. So I’m about to flash them a smile when my left arm starts to give a funny tingle. I turn it over and I kid you not, the biggest fucking bee thing I’ve ever seen is now resting on my forearm.

“GAAAAAAAH!” I yelped, as I threw the thing out the window and simultaneously slammed on the clutch, making an excellent rev. I immediately realized my complete lack of slickness, while I batted at the somehow newly returned bee thing, which was now settling in my hair. After I tried to calmly brush him off my head (to save face, naturally) I looked back to the right to see the girls chuckling.

Thanks bee, for the humility.

[ Tree Fiendishly Murders Environmentalist ]

TULSA – Blake Champlin, a Tulsa lawyer and environmental activist, died Monday at his home when a tree supporting a hammock fell and crushed him.

Champlin, 45, died instantly, said Gerald Hilsher, an attorney with Shipley & Kellogg, Champlin’s former law firm.

All right, you know the drill. Start your captioning….. NOW! I’ll start.

The tree just wanted to hug him back.
     or…
If a tree falls on a hippy, and there’s nobody around, does he make a sound?

Ouch. (stolen directly from IMDB)

Hollywood actor Benjamin Bratt suffered the ultimate embarrassment when he agreed to surprise a fan on Oprah Winfrey’s chat show – she had no idea who he was. Bratt was initially happy to go along with making his alleged admirer’s day, but once the two met he quickly learned that a big mistake had been made somewhere along the line. He recalls, “There was the story of an aunt who had written in to the show saying that her niece is a huge Benjamin Bratt fan and she was disappointed because she couldn’t get tickets for the show. So the producers of the show wanted to surprise her. They called her down to a spa in downtown Chicago and they told her that she was going to be the recipient of a massage and a facial, etc. Well, the gag was for me to show up with a bouquet of flowers and walk out to the lobby where she was sitting and say, as I did, ‘Hi, I’m Benjamin Bratt, I’m going to be your masseur for the day!’ She just looked up at me and went, ‘Okay…’ She had no idea who I was! The aunt got the niece to show up at the spa and she had no idea who I was, so needless to say, it was footage that was completely unusable. It was incredibly humbling.”

Yeah. That’s gotta sting the old ego a bit.

…right up until he goes back to banging Talisa Soto on the huge pile of money that he got for being in Catwoman while remembering how good Julia Roberts was at mouthifying his business. He’s hurting alright. Bastard.

All of the excellent credit for this story goes to Killbot. No sharing for him.

ROGERSVILLE, Tennessee (AP) — The party’s over for four inmates accused of going on a beer run after the jail’s doors were accidentally left unlocked.

Two of the inmates walked out through a fire exit, leaving the door propped open with a Bible, and made a hole in the exercise yard fence. They walked to a market, bought some beer and returned to the jail to share it with other prisoners. When the booze ran out, the other two inmates made another beer run to a different store.

The store visits did not raise alarm because the inmates were wearing street clothes borrowed from other prisoners. The crowded jail does not have enough orange jumpsuits to go around.

That last line is classic. Really sums up the glory of Tennessee when a county jail can’t afford orange jumpsuits, let alone competent workers.